“On the occasion of every accident that befalls you … inquire what power you have for turning it to use.” ~ Epictetus

We often forget that life happens as it happens, not as we wish it to be. When events don’t unfold as we wanted, many feel betrayed, as if cast out of a heaven we imagined. This principle underlies Stoic philosophy — don’t let what you can’t control control you.

Initially, this was hard for me to accept. I felt things were happening to me, rather than just happening. My misery felt like my only faithful companion. But I realized it was a toxic relationship that offered no real comfort. As Epictetus said, we should ask ourselves with every new event, “What power do I have to make use of this?”

It’s natural to feel something is happening to you personally. But we’re not our emotions or thoughts — we can step back and observe them. I wasn’t taught this growing up. I could reassure others when bad things happened, but struggled to show myself the same compassion.

I used to be extremely hard on myself when things didn’t go my way, corrupting my soul with resentment and anger. So I started practicing what I preached — being patient and friendly with myself, like a loyal friend. Why deepen your own sadness? Optimism and opportunism go hand in hand.

Now when something bad happens, after allowing myself to feel the grief, I say “This thing happened as it happened, and I’m grateful, because now I understand myself and the world better, and have learned something new.” Learning is never bad, and self-compassion sheds light on the path ahead.